The Project Update: Next

Date #3 has been set up. I'm not actually enthused but I will try to be. At least this time, it won't be dinner after a hectic workday but on a nice (I hope) Saturday morning in one of my favourite places to have brunch. Now, I just have to ignore the obvious fact that Date #3's name rhymes with `samseng'...

Baca Baca: Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater

He reads poetry and his idea of a perfect date is to bring her to a bookstore, ask her to sit on the worn-out couch, look for the book of Rilke poetry and read poetry into her ear while holding her close.

How could I not get drawn into this book?

I should've expected that Shiver would reel me in the same way that Lament (Stiefvater's first book which I read) did. But when I first picked it up, I thought how different can another book about a girl who falls in love with a werewolf be? Afterall, I read Twilight first.

But woo-hoo, I was proven wrong. Which in this case was a good thing. The werewolves are not your run of the mill change when there's a full moon type werewolf - thank goodness.

I loved this book though sometimes I thought the dialogue was trite and a little too idealistic for me. But Shiver caught me in a thoughtful mood and I allowed myself to fall into it. I read it in 3 hours and there's a follow-up book coming in the Fall of 2010. Plus, this book introduced me to the poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke.

I am too alone in this world, and yet not alone enough
to make every hour holy,
I am too small in the world, and yet not tiny enough
just to stand before you like a thing,
dark and shrewd.
I want my will and I want to be with my will
as it moves towards deed;
and in those quiet, somehow hesitating times,
when someone is approaching,
I want to be with those who are wise
or else alone.
I want always to be a mirror that reflects your whole being,
and never to be too blind or too old.
to hold your heavy, swaying image.
I want to unfold,
Nowhere do I want to remain folded,
because where I am bent and folded, there I am lie.
And I want my meaning
true for you. I want to describe myself
like a painting that I studied
closely for a long, long time,
like a word I finally understood,
like the pitcher of water I use everyday,
like the face of my mother,
like a ship
that carried me
through the deadliest storm of all

Ouch

I was warned.

But I went ahead and did it anyway.

And now I got to experience that awful feeling of being kicked in the teeth by someone who has the experience and more.

The stupid story so far -

feeling slightly ashamed (yes, feel free to reserve a padded cell for me at Tg Rambutan for feeling this way) at how I treated Him at an old friends wedding recently; I had this then-bright idea that I should try to see if we could be friends. So, I emailed Him.

I was prepared though that this action would likely not have any reaction. Friend from Melaka reminded me to not have any expectations (in between telling me not so subtly that it shouldn't be me to extend the olive branch and for goodness sakes why was I even thinking of doing this in the first place, this thing that was fraught with potential hurt). And so I had none.

Just goes to show that no matter how prepared you are to have no expectations; you realised too late that you did have a tiny bit. And although I was prepared for no reaction, I was not prepared for a negative reaction.

Anyhow, He emailed back espousing surprise to receive anything from me at all much less an olive branch. And in the same email, He related that He was currently in touch with my ex-roommate whom I used to be very close to and He asked did I keep in touch with Friend in Miri.

Feeling positive at the route that the email replies seem to be heading towards, I thought less about my reply, focusing on wanting to be as transparent as possible in this possible start to friendship. Which was the main reason that I mentioned that I wished that I was in contact with my ex-roommate too but we had travelled so far from one another emotionally and friendship-wise that we're just too different to continue the relationship and that I should just be thankful that we had a moment of friendship with eachother in our lives.

And thus, I was kicked. Did I mention it was in the teeth? And also that it was awful? This kicked in the teeth feeling?

His reply:
the main reason why He's corresponding with me is because He wants to help me move on because He thinks I still live in the past as evidenced by my actions at recent friend's wedding. He also took this opportunity to mention that He finds it weird that I have no interest in trying (once more and yet again) to rekindle the friendship with my ex-roommate because since I was trying to see if He and I can be friends then shouldn't I extend the olive branch to her as well.

All I want is just to fix things so why does His reply make me go ouch?

Post-date #2

He arrived late...Hey, didn't I say that the last time?

...but Date #2 aka The Economist arrived late bearing a gift in the form of a single rose.

In fact, I knew he was going to be late. The Economist had the foresight to call the Agency who later called me to let me know he would be late. How thoughtful.

And so I thought maybe...

Hello! I greeted The Economist as he took his seat. I took the liberty of getting ice water for the both of us. I was thirsty and I ordered a margarita too.

He gazed at the table where our drinks were and looked up at me and said I'm confused.

Huh? Hmm...okayyy...This is my ice water and my margarita on my left. That is your ice water on YOUR left.

Oh! You ordered an extra drink. That's why I was confused! He seemed relieved to have finally figured it out.

Ok, maybe Not.

One hour and 45 minutes later, I was struggling to stifle my yawns and my brain had already gone to bed for the night. I had heard about

• The Economist's plan to open a burger joint rivalling McDonald's,
• his fascination with Dance Revolution,
• the fact that his mother forced him to buy an apartment in PJ which turned out to be only one block from her apartment,
• that his parents stole his childhood from him by travelling twice a year overseas when he'd actually prefer to go to his friends house
• the supposedly tonnes of money he made when he went right into investments in the stock market after university
• his extended break that he's currently on because he has tonnes of money sitting in the bank
• and ad nauseum...

As we walked out of the restaurant (or rushed away, in my case), I turned to him and thanked him and called him the wrong name. By then, I was just too sleepy to feel bad about my mistake.

Next....zzzzzz......

Tioman to be revisited

Outwardly, I'm calm.

Inside, I'm Super-Excited and Freaking Nervous!

The last time, I went to Tioman was 4 years and 5 months ago - yikes! That was to get my OW cert.

I haven't gone back to Tioman since AND most importantly (and sadly), I haven't gone diving since.

Which is why when DiveMaster friend mentioned the upcoming trip to Tioman during Raya - I thought, this is it, I have to go and get into diving again. So, I quickly signed up for the trip (plus a refresher beforehand) and got my sis to commit to getting her OW too.

So, Watch Out fishes in Tioman - here I come!

Post-date #2 recaplet

Good intentions; dull conversations.

The Project Update: The cancelled date

One week after Date #1, I was asked to give my available days so that Date #2 can be confirmed.

I responded to the Agency telling them that I won't commit to Date #2 until they receive my feedback from Date #1. Ok, they said, give us your feedback. They probably assumed that irregardless of my feedback, Date #2 would still go as planned.

In my email feedback, no detail of that night was left unreported - from the lateness (of his arrival) to the blurness (of the main course) to the forgetfulness (of my name). If my email feedback was printed out - it would probably have gone to 4 pages. What can I say? I pay Attention to Details.

The day after I emailed my feedback, the Agency called - status of Date #2? Cancelled.